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The girl hurled the words from the open window.

“Rat’s nest, rat’s nest.”

I faced the school bus. The doors closed, and the girl smirked at me. As the vehicle crested the hill, the words echoed in my ears and lodged in my heart.

I could have yelled back, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never…” Yet, as an eight-year-old, I knew the truth. Words hurt. I should have ignored her, like my mom told me to. Instead, I ran up the hill, into my house, and slammed the bathroom door. I brushed my hair which made the bushiness worse.

Over the years, I’ve tried countless products and treatments to make my curly hair straight. Yet no matter how many tears I cried, how hard I brushed, or how much goo I put in my bushy mane, I remained the same—a girl with a rat’s nest on her head. Harsh words defined me.

At first, Job’s friends seemed kinder than my school bus bully. After Job’s devastating loss, his friends listened to his grievances. But then the comforters spoke. And their words were harsher than any childhood taunts. Even though Job was innocent, they told him he deserved his punishment. He deserved to be penniless and covered in sores. And if their words hadn’t done enough damage, one of his friends said that his children deserved to die.

If I were Job, I would have locked myself in the bathroom for weeks with only my tears and a gallon of ice cream for company. What would you have done? Yelled at him? Hit him? Traded insults?

The amazing thing is that even though Job struggled and had moments of doubt, he didn’t let his friends’ words define him. Though he didn’t understand God’s plan or the suffering he was going through, he kept calling out to God and clung to the hope that one day his suffering would end.

“For I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last he will stand upon the earth. And after my skin has been thus destroyed, yet in my flesh I shall see God,” (Job 19:25-26, ESV).

When words hurt and our friends aren’t friendly, be like Job, who was known as a man of endurance (James 5:11).

Now, I know a lot more about curly hair and my identity in Christ. Sometimes I embrace my curls, sometimes I straighten them, and sometimes I cover them up with a hat. But I don’t do any of those things because of the girl on the bus. I’m now free to do whatever I want with my hair and focus on who I am in Christ—a child of God. I cling to Job’s hope. One day when I see God face to face, I’ll say to him, thank you for my struggles. They helped me to know what a loving father you are. Thank you for the bully on the bus. She helped me to know that you love me and my hair. I am a woman of endurance.

When words hurt and suffering threatens to drag you down, what will you cling to? The words of others or the identity that God gives? You are more than your friends’ opinions, more than your suffering, more than your appearance. Curly hair, straight hair, or no hair, God loves you and you are His child.