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How to Deal with Difficult People
Wednesday, July 22, 2026 by Sarah Schwerin

Categories: Life Lessons

My father-in-law loved visiting his grandmother. He wasn’t the biggest fan of the chickens who ran around her yard and sometimes through her country house. But he loved her thumbprint cookies. Round shortbread goodies with a dollop of jam in the middle. He’d always leave with a small paper bag full of them. The buttery goodness leaked through the sack, leaving greasy stains.

One day, as the adults talked, he bit into one. Crunch. He continued chewing, wondering why the cookie tasted funny and felt weird in his mouth. Crunch, crunch, crunch. He looked down and saw half an ant.

People can be like that, can’t they? Beautiful on the outside, but when you get to know them, you receive an unpleasant surprise.

Laban in the book of Genesis was like that cookie. He appeared wonderful on the outside, but the inside told another story.

We all have Labans in our lives. Some of them might even be in our families. How can we deal with these difficult people?

God wanted Jacob to leave Laban.

Yet, instead of packing his bags, loading the kids into the minivan, and waving goodbye, Jacob snuck away in the middle of the night.

If God approved, why would Jacob need to sneak away as if he’s doing something wrong?

Jacob probably liked God’s plan of leaving, but he knew Laban and wanted to avoid another confrontation. He wanted to control the situation. If only he could follow God’s plan his way.

Control is hard to give up.

When we deal with difficult people, operating out of fear and control is easy to do. God’s ways don’t always make sense to us. We worry His plans might fall through. They might not be good enough. Shouldn’t we have a backup plan just in case?

How to deal with difficult people—follow God’s plan, God’s way.

We don’t need a backup plan. We can completely trust in the God of the universe.

Jacob had many reasons to fear and control his situation. Not only was he dealing with a deceitful father-in-law, but he had irate brothers-in-law, four wives, eleven sons, and one daughter. Can you imagine the family drama?

Yet God spoke to Jacob. He told him to return to the land of his father.

The land of his father...

The last time Jacob had been there, he’d deceived his father and brother. He’d fled his brother’s murderous rage.

And it was there, in Jacob’s lowest moment, that God met him.

God came down to Earth. He intervened on behalf of this worthless man, this trickster who didn’t deserve it. And He made a promise to Jacob—a promise to always be with him.

How to deal with difficult people—remember God’s promises.

Cling to them. They aren’t just words on a piece of paper. They are truth.

In Genesis 31:5, Jacob referred to God as Elohim—creator, sustainer, judge. The powerful God who protected him from his uncle’s trickery and from his own trickery. The God who was with Jacob during his confrontation with his troublesome father-in-law.

Just when Jacob, his four wives, and all those kids think they’re finally free, Laban and his huge caravan swagger into camp. It’s like a showdown in old westerns.

Laban screamed at Jacob, “What have you done? You’ve carried away all my family and stolen my gods.”

Jacob shoots back at Laban, “No, I didn’t do any of that. I’ve always treated you fairly.”

Now, if I were writing the story, this is the part I would change.

In my story, Laban’s eyes would fill with tears. “You’re right. I’ve treated you horribly. I’ve only thought about myself. Let’s get ice cream and work out a solution.”

But in real life, we can’t control other people. Only God can change hearts.

We are responsible for what God calls us to do.

Unfortunately, in life, difficult people rarely apologize for mistreating us.

In Jacob’s story, Laban never apologized. Yet the two men made a covenant. They set up a heap of stones, a boundary. Jacob will stay on this side. Laban will stay on this side.

How to deal with difficult people—set up boundaries.

When people act like Laban, we have to say, no more.

Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is to set limits or step away from a relationship. In my life, there are certain people I don’t open my heart to because they are not safe. I limit the time I spend with them.

Boundaries can be hard to set, but they are biblical.

The covenant between Jacob and Laban may not have been made with the best intentions and motivations. But they invited God into the relationship, and that’s the most important thing in any relationship, because let’s be honest, we can all be difficult from time to time.

How to deal with difficult people—give our relationships to God.

When we give our relationships to God, he will give us the wisdom and guidance to deal with others.

We live in a sinful world filled with sinful people who are like the ant-head cookie my father-in-law ate: nice on the outside, yucky on the inside. Yet, when we walk with God, difficult people can be opportunities to walk closer with Him, opportunities to grow in our faith, opportunities to show God’s love to others. And when we deal with those difficult people, it will be because God has given us the love and strength to do so. It’s a love we could never have if left to our own devices. It extends to all difficult people, even us.

*Thanks to Pixabay.com for the picture.

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